The Big Subjects to Talk About Before the Big Day


Families in poppy field in summertime



Most couples will talk briefly about finances. Stuff like who will work, where the money will be spent, budgeting, common things like that. But, did you ever once mention who will be the main person to pay the bills? Is there going to be one joint bank account, or will each spouse keep separate bank accounts? It is important to decide just who will handle paying the bills and setting up the online accounts for those bills. This is very vital to discuss because of the confusion that can come if there is not a designated person. Now, just because one spouse is the designated bill payer that doesn’t mean that the other is completely cut off knowing anything about bills. They do have the right to know how much each monthly bill is and the password to those online accounts. Knowing the password is key because if something ever happens to the bill payer, then the other spouse will have immediate access to all that.  Also, the matter of separate or joint bank accounts is a personal one. Some people love joint accounts. It makes budgeting much easier and is very transparent. Joint bank accounts are more time consuming to budget. Remembering which account has which bill coming out or will the bills come out of one spouses account and the play money is from the other spouse. However you want to do it is fine as long as you can make it work for you.


Now on to the subject of children. You have probably discussed the number you would like to have. Did you discuss who will be their main caregiver? It used to be no question, Mom was in charge of the home and family and Dad worked. But, nowadays those roles are changing and so is the scope of the family. If both parents want to work that is great, but who will be the one to take the day off to take care of the sick child? Who will be the designated chauffeur when it comes to sports, ballet, school functions, etc.? It is also important to decide on the type of punishments you both find acceptable for your future children. Kids are notorious for pitting parent against parent. They love to play I asked mom and she said no so I’ll go ask dad because I know he’ll say yes (or vice versa). Deciding on how to handle those situations will save your sanity in the long run.


Religion is a tricky subject to converse about. If you are marrying a person of a different religion you want to make sure you respect their beliefs. Even though this is difficult to discuss it is a crucial conversation that you will both need to make time for. Some of the talking points could center on what religion your children will be raised in. How will you handle holidays and celebrating certain religious specific ones? How will you attend church, will you go together to one spouse’s specific church or will you go separately to your respective churches? Is converting to a different religion open for discussion and if so which spouse will convert?


Politics is a huge one that you need to talk about before the big day. Some thing to remember about voting is that when you go to vote, don’t cancel each other out. Take the time to discuss which candidate you like and why. This may be hard if you like opposite parties, but still try to do it. You don’t want to get into that booth and essentially have your vote not count because you voted against each other.

You love your spouse enough to stay with them until “death do you part”.  If you can talk to your spouse openly about these subjects your marriage will be all the better for it.

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